Updated: Feb 19, 2020
I entered the church bright and early. No one knew I was pregnant. I mean, I barely knew I was pregnant… I had just taken the test two hours prior. I didn’t know when I was going to tell people. It still didn’t feel real to me.
As I greeted church members with a smiling face my morning crept by slowly. With every wave I had been brain storming a game plan for my tiny baby and I.
Adoption and abortion were never an option. At 26 years old I was completely able to take care of a small human (the best I knew how to at least), but besides my age more importantly was my faith.
I knew this was a part of God’s plan from the moment I saw the two lines on the test.
God can turn any situation and have it be used for his glory. And although an unexpected pregnancy felt like an accident I knew deep down that God does not miss any detail, and things do not happen by accident in God’s kingdom.
Throughout the morning there was this tiny voice in my head telling me that I had found out so soon, and that most women don’t know this quickly. The voice told me that the baby probably wouldn’t even make it, so I should keep it quiet.
In the weeks to come- that is exactly what I did. I kept quiet.
My first appointment wasn’t until 8 weeks. The morning of my appointment as Devin and I nervously got ready I heard the same voice tell me that I shouldn’t expect to hear a heartbeat at the ultrasound.
I immediately dropped to my knees and I prayed. I surrendered my baby’s heart to Jesus that day. I told him to form the heart physically and spiritually. I prayed for a strong heart beat and I prayed that this baby would bring gory to God’s kingdom.
I laid on the cold paper wrapped table at the doctor’s office squeezing Devin’s hand tightly and expecting bad news. Once the gel was on my belly it only took a few seconds for the ultrasound tech to find what she explained as “one of the strongest heartbeats she had heard in a long time”.
In this moment I knew Devin and I didn’t deserve this type of outcome. We weren’t married, and this baby had been created through sin. We were two broken humans who had fell into temptation and deserved to be punished, but that’s not how God works.